Exhale

This summer has bought about so many changes......things I never expected to happen did. I'm left feeling.....well.... a sense of contentment. I've lost alot of people unknowingly, emotionally, in the past months. If I hadn't made the decision to let them go, I would have lost myself. I guess I say all of this to say, except people for who they are, not for who you want them to be.
I find so often that people see what they want others to be, hoping and praying that if they could just CHANGE.....things would be perfect. This disease doesn't just find a host in one type of person. We have all fallen victim to it at one point in time.
I have some news that might destroy some dreams, it however, is not my intention, I just want to tell you something thats real.
You can't make some one change if they are not willing and ready to do it themselves. Sure, we all are capable of seeing a small twinkle in someone indicating that they have the ability to be a better person. But if the person you are trying to CHANGE doesn't see it in themselves or is not ready to see it, you should stop letting that small twinkle distract you from the person they really are. Except them for them and either love em' or leave em' alone.

peace

Letter to Love,

Who knew we would meet like we did. From the start it was so innocent.You were a friend of a friend, you and I were never close. Come to think about, you didn't seem to like me to much. I didn't really care to occupied with lust. I wasn't ready for you and you weren't ready for me. So for that moment a higher power let us be. Time past and my soul longed for more. Unconsicously, it longed for you. An undeniable force brought us together and our relationship grew. VULNERABLE....... that's what I was. Lust had previously taught me lesson our two. It doesn't last to long........no feelings involved, the pleasure principle is its motto ...and it's still going strong. I didn't know how to perceive you. Were you lust wrapped in the wrinkled used paper that posed as love? So many sleepless nights trying to figure us out. I came to realize that I didn't have to try with you, our feelings came naturally. You and I were one. We became "we". All doubts shattered, all questions answered. You are who you are. You posses that unconditionally,selfless type of quality. That untarnished type thing. And there is that nonjudging, listening thing you do. Ohhhh...and you are so patient and humble. You are truly amazing. I pray that everyone is blessed to one day find you and I thank God that I have you.

R.T.W

Are you insecure?

Well if I say no then I'm a narcissist.......but if I say yes.......

You're human

The Death of Superman

The moon shined bright on daddy's little girl this on particular night as she slept peacefully oblivious to the things that could only happen in her dreams.....no, I mean nightmares, b/c that's what she woke up to. The yelling, screaming,thumping, and bumping against the walls of her home,.....no,I mean here house,b/c a home is where the heart is,and where love is overflowing. But there was no love the atmosphere, hate lies pain and deceit filled the air. Daddy's little girl stood at the stairs watching moms and pops fight. Not that"i hate you, get your stuff and get out"type shit. I mean that "broken nose,busted lip, pin you down to ground smack you around" type shit.

The little girl ran to the rescue, picking up her miniature bat, the bat her daddy brought her to teach her to play t-ball. Well that night, that bat wasn't going to be used to hit no ball off no tee. It was going to be used to kill daddy. Now you see, she might have been daddy's little girl, but she was mommas baby...and she was gonna be damned if she let anyone hurt that lady. As she beat her father with that bat, she killed her superman just like that. Baby girl cried a cry that could never be imitated, cried a cry of pain that could never be duplicated, cried a cry knowing her life would never be the same.

Her father got up and left the house in a rage but her superman lay there bloody in his grave. She wasn't daddy's little girl anymore, he was her most feared villain.Do you know the effects of physical abuse on a child that's only seven?

Her innocence is gone, no doubt it is forgotten. Sweetheart was like fuck it, grandpa walked out on grandma, daddy walked out on momma. Any man I get is gonna walk out on me. <<<fairy tales don't exist, thats just that googy shit you only see on tv.

She grew up with a wall around her empty heart, called mean by everyone that didn't know her from the start. Walking away from good relationships for fear that they might fail, not being able to tell her mate why she couldn't have them there. Never wanting to stare in the mirror to long b/c she saw in her the reflection of a man she thought she hated. She didn't really hate him though, but how could she love him. He caused her so much pain. But she soon realized they were one in the same. Her superman was gone, she saw her father for what he was. A human, an imperfect human, that loved her unconditionally. A human that made mistakes just like she. A human that had regrets, fears, and insecurities. A human that bleed blood the same color as hers. She forgave her imperfect father for the things she held against him for so long. But she never forgot the day she killed superman.

The loneliest place to be is in a room full of people. You look around as they laugh and joke but you just can't quite get it. You know you are slightly different, undeniably a little strange. They know it too. It hurts to be "different", so you try to conform...impossible. You are far to great to bow to the feet of normality, so you opt to leave the familiar.

You choose to follow the road less travel, in the undying quest to be yourself. Its gets hard, strong winds blow growling that you should continue to be a puppet in the show that we call life letting the materialistic, superficial ways of the world be your puppet master. Terrible storms come that make you desire to be in the shelter of mediocrity. Hail falls continuously pounding into your head making you think your uniqueness is a curse.

A cross road appears, to your left the conditions seem the same as the road you are traveling, hard, rough, unforgiving, empty. To your right, there are clear sunny skies that seem gentle and welcoming. Whats even better is the road is full of joyful people moving along. It looks appealing, you've been alone for so long, too long it seems. You just want to be happy because you feel lonelier now then you did in that room full of people.

However something in your gut is telling you to continue along the unforgiving road. You do. As you travel you begin to find your self, you come to peace with yourself. You realize that you aren't the same as everyone else, slightly different, undeniably a little strange, but it's ok. Before you know it, you reach your destination, your road is filled with clear sunny skies, however you are still alone. That's when it hits you, zero is a differnt type of first place.......

TAKE YOUR JOUNERY

Questions Exisiting

Why is my mind constantly clouded with things I can't control?

Does everything really happen for a reason or is that what we tell ourselves
to ease the pain we feel from our shortcomings?

Why doesn't your heart do what your mind tells it to?

Why don't we ever apperciate what we have untill its gone?

Why do I continue to repeat these questions to vast amounts of space yet never
recieving an answer.....???? Questions exisiting

Aftermath

I can't walk away.......he doesn't want to either.

"Never been held like that. Never cried with anyone but you.
I felt your pain and you felt mine.
I don't want the only time we talk is because something is wrong.
You changed me....and I don't mind"

Inspite of us......we are stronger

Able to withstand the ways of the world together.
Standing back to back, fighting the negativity that comes my way so it won't reach him. He does the same.

Strong winds blow....But we are unmoved.

Mistakes made us better.